I found myself last Tuesday. Not “found myself” as in “I found myself in zen-budism” or“I found myself in that community on FaceBook” or “I found myself in Diest Shakes Santini”. I’m saying “I found myself” as in “I’ve settled to take some coffee with me so I could have an honest conversation with myself”.
We had agreed on arriving at 3:00PM. I got there a little late, at 3:04. I got late too. It may seen as a huge coincidence, but we took the same bus and walked the same path. That can also look like a huge coincidence, mas but the fact is I haven’t settled a meeting with a second me, a clone, a projected image from my imagination neighter another me from a parallel universe.
I had settled a date with me. Since I AM me, my conditions and my past, I naturally had to take the same bus as me, walked the same path and sit in the same place. If I had take a different path as me, I would have seen different things than I who would walked the other path and was now sat down in that coffee shop. Me and me, together. But the waitress treated us by the singular.
– What are you going to order, sir*? – she asked.
– We are going to order two expressos. – I said, forcing her to note my presence there. She didn’t know Who she was dealing with! You mess up with me, you mess up with me too!
I thought the conversation would be interesting. However, it wasn’t. I agreed with me in everything I said and, even worst, I already knew everything I was going to say. There was a point I even came to finish my sentences!
Disappointeds, me and I payed the coffees, nos we Said goodbye to each other and followed our ways. It was very embarrasing when we realised we were going trhough the same way.
* “May I take your order” is a rare thing to find. Generally, the waiters assume that you want them to take your order or you would not have entered the place. Of course.
quarta-feira, 12 de novembro de 2008
Evelise
One Day she told me she was the ruler of the world, a divine creature cosmicly superior to myself (in another ocasion she said she would instantly change her sex if she did not have chocolate as soon as possible, but I was able to detect that lie). I got very surprised, all my beliefs would fall apart if that was true. I tryed to fight back, searched for mistakes in her arguments, but I couldn’t find any. She had even find my blog on her own.
- How did you find my blog? – I asked, surprised.
- I know everything!
And so, her doings and arguments whould each day confirm her divinity more and more. But I did not surrender so easily.
- What is the meaning of life? – I asked her once.
- To serve to me. – she answered, without blink.
I thought I found something wrong:
- Ah! Then what is the meaning of your life? – I was sure to win that battle.
- To be served. – she said, promptly.
In time, I accpeted the fact. I was in a world controled by a goddess that went to class, ate chocolate, hated some movies and had PMT. The world looked like a dark place for a while. One day I commented the fact with a wise man.
- She even found out my blog all by herself!
The wised man thought for a second, raised his eyebrows and then asked:
- Are you sure she didn’t find it trhough the Syllogism ?
- What?
- The Natural Syllogism, my blog. There’s a link to your blog there. Didn’t you asked her if she didn’t find out The World’s Border 2 trhough there?
I confess that in that moment I felt reinvigorated as I’ve never felt before. There was still the chance of the world to be ruled by a more logical force, like Jehovah, Tao, Shiva or chaos itself. The world could make sense once more. I looked for her as soon as I could.
- Bow! – she ordered the moment she spoted me.
- Did you find my blog trhough the Natural Syllogism?
She looked like falling apart. Divinity was not hers anymore.
- Yes... – she answered, discouraged.
I smiled, triumphant, raised my arms, tunred the other way and walked by. I could her moaning:
- Damn... they found me...
I found the wise man in another chance, told him what happened. He Just smiled, shook his head slowly and said:
- See how good it is to use syllogism to find out things?
- How did you find my blog? – I asked, surprised.
- I know everything!
And so, her doings and arguments whould each day confirm her divinity more and more. But I did not surrender so easily.
- What is the meaning of life? – I asked her once.
- To serve to me. – she answered, without blink.
I thought I found something wrong:
- Ah! Then what is the meaning of your life? – I was sure to win that battle.
- To be served. – she said, promptly.
In time, I accpeted the fact. I was in a world controled by a goddess that went to class, ate chocolate, hated some movies and had PMT. The world looked like a dark place for a while. One day I commented the fact with a wise man.
- She even found out my blog all by herself!
The wised man thought for a second, raised his eyebrows and then asked:
- Are you sure she didn’t find it trhough the Syllogism ?
- What?
- The Natural Syllogism, my blog. There’s a link to your blog there. Didn’t you asked her if she didn’t find out The World’s Border 2 trhough there?
I confess that in that moment I felt reinvigorated as I’ve never felt before. There was still the chance of the world to be ruled by a more logical force, like Jehovah, Tao, Shiva or chaos itself. The world could make sense once more. I looked for her as soon as I could.
- Bow! – she ordered the moment she spoted me.
- Did you find my blog trhough the Natural Syllogism?
She looked like falling apart. Divinity was not hers anymore.
- Yes... – she answered, discouraged.
I smiled, triumphant, raised my arms, tunred the other way and walked by. I could her moaning:
- Damn... they found me...
I found the wise man in another chance, told him what happened. He Just smiled, shook his head slowly and said:
- See how good it is to use syllogism to find out things?
Rainny Sunday
Today was one of those rainny lazy days in wich reading a book in my bed, watch a movie and drink twelve litres of coffee looks like enough to have a complete day.
The chosen movie was Back To The Future, wich is one of those movies that can’t bore me ever.
Home alone, pizza in front of me and a red fruits soy juice (my newest little pleasure). Lying in the sofa, watching yet another time Marty McFly running away from Biff on a skateboard.
- I wish something exciting such as time traveling would happen to me... – I said to myself.
Five seconds before Biff’s car hit a manure truck, the door opens.
- Quick, you’ve got to help me! – says the person who enters.
I pause the movie exactly one second after the future mayor Goldie Wilson arrives on to the scene.
- Who are you? – I ask, quickly standing.
In front of me is the most handsome man I have ever seen in my life.
- I’m you ten years in the future!
- Pull the other one!
- I’m serious! I came here in a time machine we Will invent in two months, however, it broke and now I need my help to fix it and GO back to the present!
- This is the present! - I replyed.
- No, I’m sorry, but you’re living in the past!
- Ok, smarty guy... If you are me, can you tell me wich is my favorite cartoon movie?
- Have you already won an Oscar of best animation?
- No!
He stopped to think a little bit.
- The Lion King! – he answered afterwards.
- Of course, everybody knows that! I can’t stop telling! – I stopped suddenly, I noticed I let an important information behind – Did you say Oscar of best animation?
- Look, I could stay here telling you about the sixteen Oscars, the fifteen milions of reais, how you won three Nobels, about your happy marriage, three kids and five dogs, but you can’t know too much about your future! It’s dangerous! I need help now!
- Wait... Did you say... Fifteen milions?
- Are you going to help me or not? – he asked, holding my sholders and shaking me.
- I don’t know... - I hesitated.
- Look! This is your chance to get the exciting life you ever wanted! You have nothing to do tonight, but you can go with me and see a real time machine and what not!
I had no reaction for one moment, then I started staring at the wals as I normally do to think, avoiding to look to myself. The walls took me to the table in wich was lying the pizza, and then to the TV.
- Look... – I said – Maybe after the film...
I Sat down again on the sofá and hit the play buttom. He got nervous and left running away. Came back in seconds.
- Just one thing, - he started, I paused the movie and turned to him – do that article about the chinese circumnavigation before the 10th of the next month, after that you will have no time! – and left.
After that, I pulled na all-nighter watching the whole trilogy. It was a good Sunday.
The chosen movie was Back To The Future, wich is one of those movies that can’t bore me ever.
Home alone, pizza in front of me and a red fruits soy juice (my newest little pleasure). Lying in the sofa, watching yet another time Marty McFly running away from Biff on a skateboard.
- I wish something exciting such as time traveling would happen to me... – I said to myself.
Five seconds before Biff’s car hit a manure truck, the door opens.
- Quick, you’ve got to help me! – says the person who enters.
I pause the movie exactly one second after the future mayor Goldie Wilson arrives on to the scene.
- Who are you? – I ask, quickly standing.
In front of me is the most handsome man I have ever seen in my life.
- I’m you ten years in the future!
- Pull the other one!
- I’m serious! I came here in a time machine we Will invent in two months, however, it broke and now I need my help to fix it and GO back to the present!
- This is the present! - I replyed.
- No, I’m sorry, but you’re living in the past!
- Ok, smarty guy... If you are me, can you tell me wich is my favorite cartoon movie?
- Have you already won an Oscar of best animation?
- No!
He stopped to think a little bit.
- The Lion King! – he answered afterwards.
- Of course, everybody knows that! I can’t stop telling! – I stopped suddenly, I noticed I let an important information behind – Did you say Oscar of best animation?
- Look, I could stay here telling you about the sixteen Oscars, the fifteen milions of reais, how you won three Nobels, about your happy marriage, three kids and five dogs, but you can’t know too much about your future! It’s dangerous! I need help now!
- Wait... Did you say... Fifteen milions?
- Are you going to help me or not? – he asked, holding my sholders and shaking me.
- I don’t know... - I hesitated.
- Look! This is your chance to get the exciting life you ever wanted! You have nothing to do tonight, but you can go with me and see a real time machine and what not!
I had no reaction for one moment, then I started staring at the wals as I normally do to think, avoiding to look to myself. The walls took me to the table in wich was lying the pizza, and then to the TV.
- Look... – I said – Maybe after the film...
I Sat down again on the sofá and hit the play buttom. He got nervous and left running away. Came back in seconds.
- Just one thing, - he started, I paused the movie and turned to him – do that article about the chinese circumnavigation before the 10th of the next month, after that you will have no time! – and left.
After that, I pulled na all-nighter watching the whole trilogy. It was a good Sunday.
Casual Meeting
"I can’t believe it! Is that really she? She hasn’t changed a single bit. It’s been how long since I last saw her? I think since the 8th grade... Wonder IF she is going to remember me? Well, I’m going to see if she compliments me, then I’ll compliment her..."
- Hi! It’s been so long! – she said, huging me.
"Ok, she remembers me. Great."
- Hi! Yeah... We haven’t spoke to each other since the 8th grade.
- Yeah... What have you been done?
- I’m now majoring History at FURG. And you?
- Nice! I had a daughter last September. – she Said that in such a natural way, as if she had said she just bought a shirt. I’ve tryed my Best to not look mind-boggled, being contented with raising my eyebrows – So I could not study for the SATs. I’m not even going to try it this year.
- You had a daughter? – that’s what I could talk back.
- Yes, I did.
"Couldn’t you have wait Five minutes and go to the corner store buy a condom? All right, everyone makes mistakes. Try and act as if it was normal."
- My – I hesitated a little bit there, trying not to look sarcastic at the end of the sentence - compliments. What’s her name?
- Marisa.
- Hummm... Cool...
"Don’t say a Word, let her keep up with the conversation. You’ll say something stupid if you try."
- And the resto f the people from the 8th grade? It’s been so long since we last met. We should get together to do something.
"We could watch 'Juno'. Just say the classic 'yeah' and give the commom report about the lifes of everybody else."
- Yeah... I’ve seen Fred, and Júnior, they are still in that band, they have been made several shows. The resto of the folks I haven’t seen eighter.
- Uhum... I’ve got to got. I left my mom taking care of Marisa and she wants to go out today. Bye. Take care!
"I have been careful."
- Bye! Kiss*.
And she left, But I kept thinking about that the whole week. I reviewed the casual meeting between both of us several times in my mind. Till, in the end, I came to the conclusion that there wasn’t any secret message or hidden advice in that "take care".
*In Brazil, it’s a very normal thing to say “kiss” instead or after doing it when you say "bye" to a person. We are weird. I know.
- Hi! It’s been so long! – she said, huging me.
"Ok, she remembers me. Great."
- Hi! Yeah... We haven’t spoke to each other since the 8th grade.
- Yeah... What have you been done?
- I’m now majoring History at FURG. And you?
- Nice! I had a daughter last September. – she Said that in such a natural way, as if she had said she just bought a shirt. I’ve tryed my Best to not look mind-boggled, being contented with raising my eyebrows – So I could not study for the SATs. I’m not even going to try it this year.
- You had a daughter? – that’s what I could talk back.
- Yes, I did.
"Couldn’t you have wait Five minutes and go to the corner store buy a condom? All right, everyone makes mistakes. Try and act as if it was normal."
- My – I hesitated a little bit there, trying not to look sarcastic at the end of the sentence - compliments. What’s her name?
- Marisa.
- Hummm... Cool...
"Don’t say a Word, let her keep up with the conversation. You’ll say something stupid if you try."
- And the resto f the people from the 8th grade? It’s been so long since we last met. We should get together to do something.
"We could watch 'Juno'. Just say the classic 'yeah' and give the commom report about the lifes of everybody else."
- Yeah... I’ve seen Fred, and Júnior, they are still in that band, they have been made several shows. The resto of the folks I haven’t seen eighter.
- Uhum... I’ve got to got. I left my mom taking care of Marisa and she wants to go out today. Bye. Take care!
"I have been careful."
- Bye! Kiss*.
And she left, But I kept thinking about that the whole week. I reviewed the casual meeting between both of us several times in my mind. Till, in the end, I came to the conclusion that there wasn’t any secret message or hidden advice in that "take care".
*In Brazil, it’s a very normal thing to say “kiss” instead or after doing it when you say "bye" to a person. We are weird. I know.
Felipe
It all started with inofensive questions.
"- Did you brush your teeth before coming here?
- Yes.
- You keep your brush in your bathroom?
- Yes, why?
- Did you that microorganism spread all over your bathroom and land at your tooth brush? Sometimes the brush causes more damage than not brushing at all."
They were all exactly like the useless conversations people use to have we their friends. Till over midnight arguing about sillyness irl ando n the interwebz. Harmless arguments, but they were predicting how things were going to be later..
Things looked normal, but the conversations were getting worsen.
"- Are you going to answer or not?
- I’ve sent you a voice message just now.
- Oh! I don’t get voice messages...
- Why?
- I don’t use Messenger anymore, all my contacts are at Trillian.
- Why? Is the 2009 version that bad?
- It’s even worst, but the problem is Microsoft is evil, did you know it’s ruled by a secret society responsable by burning Alexandria’s Library? And that messenger’s alert sounds contain subliminar messages that low down your IQ in 10 points every time you hear them?
-..."
One day, they told me He stopped going to class. They could not reach him on the telephone. Afteral, He had trowed the phone away, He did not want "they to find me only cause I asked someone to go to the movies". I got quite worryed, but there was nothing I could do. Finally, after two weeks, I found him online.
"- Man! Were have you been? You have been missing, hum?
- Do you want to tell me something?
- No, actually I wanted to ASK you something!
- Is your dog the devil?
- ?
-Your dog. Is he the devil?
- No. Why?
-Just asking.
-...
- It’s always na useful information to know if your friend’s dog is the devil.
- Sure... right... But can I ask you something?
- Later, they are coming back. I got to desconnect."
That got me pretty aprehensive. I spent days thinking about what could have happened. How could it be that someone I once considered to be one of the most inteligent people I know got so sick? And then I stopped thinking about that, four months were already gone. It’s interesthing how we can create a new routine and move on as if nothing had happened.
One day, following my new routine, I opened the front door. He was there, standing, holding a bottle of Holly water and a crucifix.
- Where is he? – he asked me.
I closed the door and hided the dog. Kept looking outside trough the window, untill he gave up and started chasing a car that was passing by, yelling that the oil that moved our cars was, actually, third world babies’ blood.
I could not help but thing that, in a certain respect, He was right. But my dog told me to stop those deliriums.
"- Did you brush your teeth before coming here?
- Yes.
- You keep your brush in your bathroom?
- Yes, why?
- Did you that microorganism spread all over your bathroom and land at your tooth brush? Sometimes the brush causes more damage than not brushing at all."
They were all exactly like the useless conversations people use to have we their friends. Till over midnight arguing about sillyness irl ando n the interwebz. Harmless arguments, but they were predicting how things were going to be later..
Things looked normal, but the conversations were getting worsen.
"- Are you going to answer or not?
- I’ve sent you a voice message just now.
- Oh! I don’t get voice messages...
- Why?
- I don’t use Messenger anymore, all my contacts are at Trillian.
- Why? Is the 2009 version that bad?
- It’s even worst, but the problem is Microsoft is evil, did you know it’s ruled by a secret society responsable by burning Alexandria’s Library? And that messenger’s alert sounds contain subliminar messages that low down your IQ in 10 points every time you hear them?
-..."
One day, they told me He stopped going to class. They could not reach him on the telephone. Afteral, He had trowed the phone away, He did not want "they to find me only cause I asked someone to go to the movies". I got quite worryed, but there was nothing I could do. Finally, after two weeks, I found him online.
"- Man! Were have you been? You have been missing, hum?
- Do you want to tell me something?
- No, actually I wanted to ASK you something!
- Is your dog the devil?
- ?
-Your dog. Is he the devil?
- No. Why?
-Just asking.
-...
- It’s always na useful information to know if your friend’s dog is the devil.
- Sure... right... But can I ask you something?
- Later, they are coming back. I got to desconnect."
That got me pretty aprehensive. I spent days thinking about what could have happened. How could it be that someone I once considered to be one of the most inteligent people I know got so sick? And then I stopped thinking about that, four months were already gone. It’s interesthing how we can create a new routine and move on as if nothing had happened.
One day, following my new routine, I opened the front door. He was there, standing, holding a bottle of Holly water and a crucifix.
- Where is he? – he asked me.
I closed the door and hided the dog. Kept looking outside trough the window, untill he gave up and started chasing a car that was passing by, yelling that the oil that moved our cars was, actually, third world babies’ blood.
I could not help but thing that, in a certain respect, He was right. But my dog told me to stop those deliriums.
Every Morning
"All right, I’m awake! Now... what do I have to do today? Hummm... I think I have to get up... get dresses, I’ve got to print that article to textual production class, I can’t forget that... What time is it now? 8:34? Hummm... I can be still here a little while... it would be nice to have blue skin... Wait! Focus, what do I have to do today again? Get up... get dressed...
.
.
.
.
DAMN IT!!! I slept again! What time is it now? Oh! Good, it’s only 9:17... I think walls would give this room a more medieval look... Argh! I hate those early mornings deliriums... And those flamingos that won’t stop cooking cheese are the ones to blame... What? Man, I got to get up NOW! Otherwise I’ll stay here the whole morning and do nothing... Oh... if I had a robot... but it would have cold hands... I need to get up! Ok, what do I have to do today again? Get up... get dressed... take a shower... Or maybe I should take a shower first? That would save some plutonium... Ok, wait, what was that delirium now? Ok, got to get up now, what time is it again? 9:24 ok, I’m going to get up before I spend the whole morning staring at the ceiling!
Man, this ceiling is really cool... It hás some odd shapes in it... That one looks like a vulture... But a vulture with human legs? Could it be Romenian? Isn’t there na episode of Invader Zim that’s like that?
.
.
.
No, there isn’t... What time is it again? 9:37? I’ve got to get up now! What do I have to do today again? Oh yeah, to conquer Cornwall and then kniting... Or was it to get up and print the article? I wonder if Steve Everyman ever had these problems? Who was Steve Everyman? Could it be Chris Leben’s brother?
.
.
.
But why on Earth Chris’ brother doesn’t have the same family name as Chris? Oh no! Chris’ mother was cheating on Chris’ father! I’ve got to warn Chris at twitter... Maybe a personal message would be better... It can cause less cancer... What time is it again? 9:45? Ok, I’m going to rest my... eyes... a little... and will get up soon...
.
.
.
.
I’VE FELT ASLEEP AGAIN??? What tiime is it? 11:46? Ok, gonna get up and have lunch... And tell Chris what whore his mother is!"
.
.
.
.
DAMN IT!!! I slept again! What time is it now? Oh! Good, it’s only 9:17... I think walls would give this room a more medieval look... Argh! I hate those early mornings deliriums... And those flamingos that won’t stop cooking cheese are the ones to blame... What? Man, I got to get up NOW! Otherwise I’ll stay here the whole morning and do nothing... Oh... if I had a robot... but it would have cold hands... I need to get up! Ok, what do I have to do today again? Get up... get dressed... take a shower... Or maybe I should take a shower first? That would save some plutonium... Ok, wait, what was that delirium now? Ok, got to get up now, what time is it again? 9:24 ok, I’m going to get up before I spend the whole morning staring at the ceiling!
Man, this ceiling is really cool... It hás some odd shapes in it... That one looks like a vulture... But a vulture with human legs? Could it be Romenian? Isn’t there na episode of Invader Zim that’s like that?
.
.
.
No, there isn’t... What time is it again? 9:37? I’ve got to get up now! What do I have to do today again? Oh yeah, to conquer Cornwall and then kniting... Or was it to get up and print the article? I wonder if Steve Everyman ever had these problems? Who was Steve Everyman? Could it be Chris Leben’s brother?
.
.
.
But why on Earth Chris’ brother doesn’t have the same family name as Chris? Oh no! Chris’ mother was cheating on Chris’ father! I’ve got to warn Chris at twitter... Maybe a personal message would be better... It can cause less cancer... What time is it again? 9:45? Ok, I’m going to rest my... eyes... a little... and will get up soon...
.
.
.
.
I’VE FELT ASLEEP AGAIN??? What tiime is it? 11:46? Ok, gonna get up and have lunch... And tell Chris what whore his mother is!"
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